Balance...

Realistically I would write everyday if I had the time and inspiration, but I don't so I don't. And even though I am always incredibly busy, it is really the inspiration that is holding me back. As a young poet, my mind was clear and starving. Now a thought has to complete an obstacle course of commitments, responsibilities, and what if's before it can even become a seed. Luckily for me, and you, since you are reading this, I have The Absinthe Road. As long as Karen is providing sparks, I should be able to ignite and produce some poetry for you. I just need that push, that word that will get my mind moving in a non-life direction. That being said, if anyone reading this would like me to write on a specific subject or based on a word or phrase or wants to "inspire" me, please leave comment suggestions. I am happy to attempt. I am not saying these pushed poems will always be the best, but at least they are something. Which brings me to:

Balance

He
swings from ape branches
thick hands
expanded chest
grunts orders
booming voice
cold eyes
provides fear and security

hE
floats through forest
light feet
haloed head
sings salutations
hushed phrases
soft smiles
brings comfort and closeness

HE
offers order to chaos
hands and chest
denote dominance
while sweet word and smile
signify seduction
masculine
feminine

This concept of balance is something very meaningful to me because I feel like it is how I live me life, choir boy with football pads. It seems that I have always lived in multiple worlds, both skater and jock, partier and nerd, but even more intensely than the cliques we filter through to touch various portions of our soul, as a man in 2010 life is pure confusion.

There is a Grimm fairytale called Iron Hans which Robert Bly later used as inspiration for Iron John: A Book About Men. Essentially, everyday we grow farther away from our nature. It is as if we are in a continual state of cognitive dissonance because our real and ideal are always in conflict, always using the silver tongue of seduction to submit when our animal brains are kicking in a sympathetic nervous systems which is telling us to fight. We swallow rage for a soft tongue and smile.

So, you are going to become sick of seeing this, but until the end of the Pledge or we hit our goal, it is going to be on every post. It is just that important to my band, So Much Closer. Remember, once we hit our goal 25% of everything we raise goes to the American Cancer Society.



Also, for those that do not know, our drummer, Patrick Enright, has offered to Karaoke any song and do any dance for people that pledge. We video them and put them on YouTube for the world to see. Here is PE doing "Never Gonna Give You Up."

Unhook the Stars

Life is chaos.

I think that pretty much sums up the last couple of months for me and provides an explanation of why I have neglected you. As you know my band, So Much Closer, went down to Denton, TX to do some recording and play a few shows. We were able to capture 9 tunes at the Echo Lab and are now in post production: final mixes, mastering, CD art, researching duplication, etc. Just when I thought things would settle down a bit from all the focus on making the trip happen, things just got busier.

Still, on today, off all days, I thought it was important to write. Those that know me know I was raised by my mom, and as a result I am, well, a momma's boy. I do not see this as a negative. I embrace it, that sensitive heart on sleeve mentality is what made me who I am, is responsible for the eyes that see the world in a way that allows me to paint pictures in words. Although the skill set may have come from my father who is a poet, the eyes are all my mother's. Mom, if you are reading, sincerely, thank you for everything, and Happy Mother's Day.

You know, I have been very fortunate to surround myself with extremely inspiring people. I know writers, photographers, dancers, musicians, painters, heck one of my newest friends even makes quilts. I think creativity attracts creativity. Well, one of my old friends, high-school friends, Karen, recently started a new blog called The Absinthe Road. This blog is dedicated to forcing creation, and for your poem today, I took the bait. What is interesting about this method of writing, forced subject writing, is it often reveals things that I am not conscious of. Although I call myself a momma's boy and try to embrace sensitivity, the reality is he had his ass kicked by life and love and divorce and unfulfilled desires and lack of vindication and.... It is just so incredibly hard to chase a dream your entire life and never catch it. Inevitably, over the years, I have hardened.

Unhook the Stars

I remember when I lived heart on edge
Exposed
Like infant taking bath for first time
Redfaced
As mothers and mother’s mothers smiled
Whispered words of comfort to calm frightened cries

Now heart is locked away
Deep beneath battle scars from wars lost
The stars it once danced with at midnight
Trapped and tangled
Heavy heart’s gravitational pull
Creating black hole of sadness and solitude

I want to unhook the stars
Release them to join midnight moon
Sparkling down upon bare chest in movement
No longer afraid
No longer red faced and crying
Once again alive

Now, I don't want you to think I am depressed or anything, I am not. I didn't even realize I was feeling these things until I put pen to paper. It is therapy. But I do miss him, the momma's boy.

Before I get out of here, I would be remiss if I did not mention our Pledge Music efforts. For those that do not know making a CD is really expensive. Having done 3 solo, 2 with EKe, and 1 with Whiskey Daydream, I can tell you every time it causes debt. I moved into my house in 2001, and I have wanted to replace the carpet every year I have lived here, and every year I push it back because I am paying off a CD. This time we are trying to be smart about it. Rather than pawn guitars, sell amps, and load up the credit card, we are offering all of our supporters an opportunity to help us. There are several levels you can donate at from $10, which gets you access to all the exclusive content we are posting on the Pledge site (videos, rough mixes of songs, etc.) and a digital download of the CD when it is done, to $600 which gets access to exclusive content, a signed copy of the CD when it is done AND a fully electric house concert anywhere in the continental US. Yes, we will actually drive to your house and put on a show for you and as many people as you want to invite...wedding, graduation party, reception of some sort...whatever the event, we'll play it for $600. We actually have a song that we have left untitled, and we will let you name it for $300. Seriously, there are a lot of opportunities to fit every budget. Please take a moment to check out our pledge site.



That is all I have for now. I sincerely hope all the Mother's are feeling appreciated and loved because you are!

Poetry in Response...

In past blogs we have talked about the muse, my muse, and how she guides my pen. Through the years, I have learned to force her participation as sometimes she gets distracted and forgets that I still need to write. One of the tools I developed is called poetry in response. It is based on the concept of a Renga which is a series of Haiku between 2 writers, except “In Response” I do not force a form. When MySpace was the thriving center of Social Networking life, I created a group called Poetry in Response and we would do this dance with strangers. It was beautiful. However, the dance is always better with someone that knows how to move.

My friend Caroline and I go way back, met while I was home from A-School before I was shipped overseas, Became pen pals painting pictures of the life that neither could see. As should be expected, crushes grew and then dissipated when life provided new direction, only to be actualized some 15 years later and then smashed by separation, she in California and I in Misery. Still, we are bound by words, and that is something we will always share.

Caroline getting ready to watch me play and write of course:


Recently Caroline has been dealing with some things, so she stripped down and put it on paper. Since I have been feeling the need to write, I took her words as inspiration and wrote a response. With Poetry in Response it is important to understand that it does not have to be a literal continuance of the plot line. It may be a phrase, a word; could be anything from one poem inspiring the other.

Here is her piece:

The strange split
of the man
with two faces:
one turned towards
me
love absolute
unquestioned --
and the other
turned away
my existence
unknown:
so shameful
it is unknowable
until I
become two --
the believer:
gazing upon
all that I want
and the realist:
seeing all
that I cannot have...

And my response:

And I know my two faces
One:
stoic
chiseled
as if formed from marble of ancestors living in a different reality.
He stood silent
dry eyed
at the news of last grandma’s passing
shrugs shoulders at death
as if his understanding of life cycles is too advanced for tears.
The other:
his mother’s son
with wet cheeks and glassy eyes
shutters every time a fictional character learns of love
as if the surprise of love is so overwhelming emotions cannot be controlled.
The same self
stoic self
regains composure with knowledge of negative news
as if pain is expected.

Tracing Fissures

In my line of work, I have the opportunity to meet a lot of cool people. Some are just SM acquaintances that I follow because they have interesting things to say, but others I will actually get to physically meet, like Rachel and Chris. They are my absolute favorite couple. I love reading their Tweets and Rachel's blog because they give me hope. Their relationship is a shining example of what all marriages should be and what I dream of having, again. When I was in Birmingham last October, we made it a point to meet-up, and I absolutely loved being able to witness love they have for each other.

This week, I was able to connect with a fellow writer, Rebecca, who was kind enough to share some of her work with me. This is often a hazardous situation because you never really know what you are going to get. Most of the time, sadly, writers are not as good as they think they are, and they are looking to me for validation. Not wanting to destroy anyone's dreams, I'll respond with comments like, "Oh, that was nice" or "interesting." But Rebecca is getting her Master's in Writing, so I figured the risk was worth the reward, and it was. What she sent me were these amazing vignettes of Creative Non-Fiction. I was entranced, hanging on each word in anticipation of the next. It left me wanting more and my mind dreaming its deep poet dream.

What Rebecca is great at, like my friend Rob Woerther, is painting her past. I was able to share those moments with her, see them, hear them, smell them, feel them. This is an area that I struggle with. I always write in the now or in dreams of what I want my now to be, but I want to write my past, want to celebrate the parents that helped me become the man that I am today, the friends, the lovers who have left their stamps on my personality.

Heading home from a Valentine's Day Sucks party at Vinnie and Julie's, these words started building. When I got home I jotted down some themes on my phone and then I flushed them out this morning. The title comes from my process. Unlike my dad who is a great Crafter or words, I trace the fissures, meaning where I start I may not end, but rather than fight the words to stay within the lines, ensure the trees are brown trunked and green leaved, I let them be what they are because what I love about my poetry is it is the purest look into my mind.

Tracing Fissures

Memory
Fragmented
More auditory than visual
My father’s lecture tone like verbal Tia Chi
Slow
Calm
Powerful
And with furrowed brow and eyes tracking left
Trying to scrape sounds out of parietal lobe fissures
I am exhausted
I cannot hear his laughter
My mother’s laughter like sunshine breaking through morning fog
The first thing I hear when I think of her
Followed by the way she ends judgment with “well”
Slight pitch elevation towards the end
Spoken ellipses
There is more
She doesn’t say it
The moment left unresolved
Tell me I made a bad decision
Tell me my actions are unhealthy
Tell me I am screwing up my life
Tell me how to be a better person
Just pass the final judgment
Because when I am left to judge myself
I am a murderer
Able to look past any redeeming quality I may have
Find myself in the pit
Deliver blows like Spartacus delivered to the dregs of society as he fought to save her
And I remember the tongues of lost lovers
The way one phrase
With varied inflection
Could mean 4 things
And in the larval stage
The months spent cocooned by sheets
Between interruptions of hot kisses and fingernails in flesh
I would try to learn these tonal differences
Like learning a new dialect
Each one adorning me with a new name
A bitch marking her territory
As if the one my mother had provided for me was not good enough
Sometimes many names
With each one comes a new set of meanings
Sweetie far different than Baby
Sweetie reserved for tender moments like Valentine’s Day morning
When the sacrificial Teddy Bear has been delivered

“Oh, thank you sweetie”

But he is not allowed in bed when aromatics are flickering
Still controlled by a Victorian ideal blurring the lines between love and sex
It is Baby that reaps the benefits of the sacrifice

“Ooh Baby, yeah right there...yes Baby”

Whispered softy with a lobe nibble
As the conversation grows deeper Baby becomes Beast
Then
At the climactic close
With the 3rd $15 Target lamp laying broken bedside
It comes full circle

“Yes Eric!”

“Yes Eric!”

“YES!”

Siren’s Solitude Song

My mind, like most, rests in routine. If there was constant newness it would burnout like a light left on too long. But, it is inspired by those miracle moments when freshness forces it to escape the boundaries that it builds to protect itself.

This morning I had one of those moments. I knew I wanted to write, but desire and ability do not often lie in the same bed. Today they were lovers.

There are a few things that consistently compel my pen, relationships, as you all know, new experiences are another igniter, and weather. I do not know if it is the moon’s pull over my Cancerian soul or just an intimacy I have with nature, but weather often frees me from self-imposed shackles.

I hope you enjoy reading my moment, as much as I enjoyed experiencing it.

Siren’s Solitude Song

And you
came thick
shimmering beneath headlights’ fake sunshine rays
like cubic zirconium sparkling in places where diamonds should live

The sun
distant unseen
dwarfed by your commanding presence
as if Zeus had allowed his oceans to fill the atmosphere

And you
bring nightmares
faceless forms moving about in shadows cast by aging incandescence
their heat and hum produce miracle moments of energy despite deep chill

The shadow
silent stalker
follows close then disappears into daytime darkness
as if it too was frightened by your blinding chrome essence

But you
fell gentle
soft warm wet embrace wrapped around me
like lovers lost to moonlight madness and Siren’s solitude song

And I
swam in silver swirls
danced in daytime darkness
like big kid with tongue trying to taste air
smiled


I am very fortunate to be surrounded by very talented people, so I am going to borrow some photography from my good friend Corey Woodruff, yes the former drummer of Whiskey Daydream and the current drummer of Phat noiZ, ladies keep your panties on...shirts can come off though. Recently Woody did a shoot called Chasing Light in Fog. I think these shots add a nice visual to the poem.

Enjoy...



And one more...



That's all for now...as always, thanks for reading and let me know what you think of the poem.

Top Ten Albums of 2009

To be honest if I did not have this blog, I probably would have never made this list. A friend of mine that knows I Tweet a lot about music asked me if I was doing one. I hadn’t thought about it previously, but decided it would give me something to write about, so I set about compiling my Top 10 Albums of 2009.

#10 Momento Mori – Flyleaf

Flyleaf burst on the scene like the NEW big thing. Their videos were all over the place, and the media was in love with lead singer Lacey Mosey. Then the most tragic thing that can happen in Modern Rock music occurred, people figured out they were Christian. DOH! And much like Jars of Clay they sort of fell off the map. Well 4 years after their first release, they are back! Now, from the moment I heard “All Around Me” I knew they were Christian, and I am shocked and embarrassed for early listeners that no one else seemed to catch on to that, but I have never been opposed to Christian music. I mean, I am a Christian, why would I not listen to Christian music. I am, however, very anti poorly written Christian music (or poorly written music of any kind for that matter), but Flyleaf does it right. Their self-titled release was amazing, and Momento Mori pick-ups where they left off in 2005. It is more contemplative and a bit more rebellious, as if they were snubbing the establishment that snubbed them, but it has all the energy, passion, thick guitars, and amazing vocals that lovers of the first album will appreciate.


#9 Swoon – Silversun Pickups

I am going to be honest, as much as I love to be the person that finds the new band, that has been following them since they were playing small local clubs and doing regional tours, Silversun Pickups was a late find for me, but I am on board now and continually blown away by what I hear. I realize some bands hate comparisons, but for people that are unfamiliar with Silversun Pickups, I would be remiss for not mentioning a distinct similarity to Smashing Pumpkins. I can confidently say if you love the Pumpkins you will love the Pickups. Swoon is a masterpiece, combining thoughtful lyrics with the best dynamics I have heard on an album since Transatlanticism. There is a droning energy that carries through the entire disc, but each song moves in amazing musical directions, pulls when you should be pulled and pets you when your heart has had enough.


#8 The Fray – The Fray

As I was pre-tweeting these albums, posting one per day for the last 10 days, I called this a guilty pleasure. It is unfortunate that the pools I swim in are full of music elitists that scoff at anything that has mass appeal…more unfortunate that I allowed myself to kowtow to them and lost my authenticity. The reality is I LOVE the Fray, and I will not feel guilty for it. Isaac Slade has a very distinct voice which is instantly recognizable; their lyrics are personal yet universal; the music is solid and layered; they create great musical textures, offering harmonies and separation which allows the listener to hear everything in space…frankly, I am not sure why everyone doesn’t love this band.


#7 Brand New Eyes – Paramore

I started listening to Paramore back in 2005, right around the same time that I was turned on to Flyleaf. Actually I got into Paramore because I liked Flyleaf so much. Without a doubt Paramore and Flyleaf are as similar as two bands can be, but I do not fault either one of them. Much like Pearl Jam and STP, sometimes there is this cosmic energy that can have guys in Seattle and San Diego creating music at the same time that seems as if it fell from the same pen, or in this case some Christians in Texas and some teens in Tennessee both deciding it is okay to be fronted by a female and still rock, provided she has an amazing voice, and like Lacey, Hayley William’s voice is extremely powerful and expressive. She lets you know how and what she is feeling in her tone. The main reason Brand New Eyes is #7 and Momento Mori is #10 is because Brand New Eyes is Paramore’s 3rd album. Every signed band gets 2 shots, but that 3rd album…that third album determines if you are going to disintegrate into mythic statements as people remember how good you were (aka STP) or firmly plant yourself on the road to longevity. This album is so solid; I cannot imagine Paramore not being around for a long time.


#6 Strict Joy – Swell Season

What an amazing story, one small independent movie that they thought no one would see, breaks through all the glitz and glitter of big budget Hollywood to touch millions of people that had been begging for something real, something with feeling, something that was honest and pure…Swell Season was born. As longtime frontman of the Frames, Glen Hansard went from relative obscurity to one of the most respected singer/songwriters of our time, and with an album that opens with:



I wanna sit you down and talk
I wanna pull back the veils
And find out what it is I’ve done wrong
I wanna tear these curtains down
I want you to meet me somewhere
Tonight in this old tourist town

It is easy to see why. He is able to say what all of our hearts have wanted to say at some point. I mean who hasn’t felt that they were born to hold you in these arms? If based on lyrics and vocals alone, this would have been #2 for me, but I miss the rawness of the Once Soundtrack. I do not fault Glen or Marketa. They probably had legitimate studio money for the first time in their lives, how do you not get all wrapped up in slick production? But for me it loses a little something.


#5 Songs in the Night – Samantha Crain and the Midnight Shivers

Samantha was one of my serendipitous finds…when you are going to see one band and the opener happens to be as amazing as the headliner. Rarely will I buy an album at a show, for lack of cash on me or just inconvenience of the moment, but when I saw Samantha open for Thao I knew I had to leave with some of her music. Songs in the Night has everything that I am looking for in an album, great lyrics, distinct and resounding vocals, and stripped instrumentation with subtle layers. Although a very clean album, its lack of super shiny production put it just slightly above Strict Joy.


#4 The Fall – Norah Jones

Norah Jones is one of those artists that is so damn good that you want new music from her constantly, like it should just never stop coming. Even though there was only two years between Not too Late and The Fall, it seamed like an eternity. What I loved about the release of this album is they did it with quiet confidence. I just stumbled upon it at Best Buy one day. They knew people that love Norah would find it, and they were right. The Fall is very different from Norah’s previous releases. They are all quintessential Norah, but the others seem to have a Jazz undercurrent. This disc comes off as being a bit more experimental and has a solid bass groove that carries each piece, as opposed to the constant reliance on Norah’s keys.


#3 American Central Dust – Son Volt

Without Son Volt there would have been no Whiskey Daydream. Jay Farrar continues to be one of the most inspiring singer/songwriters and biggest influences on me. He can turn a phrase like few others, and the career he carved out from Uncle Tupelo to Son Volt with solo work in the middle is everything I dream of. American Central Dust is a return to Son Volt’s earlier work, more stripped, sparse, and open, but it still carries the same energy as Okemah and The Search. As far as I am concerned, there isn’t a false move on the disc. The instrumentation is perfect. Jay’s voice continues to be stark and emotive. There is melancholy and hope, introspection and revelation…with each tremolo’d strum and twanged chorus American Central Dust introduces its new listeners to a genre of music that Farrar created and reminds fans why Alt-Country is so powerful and moving.


#2 One Last Century – The Damnwells

I have spent the better part of the year talking up this band. I know I have converted some of you, and many of you have downloaded this album as a result of my posts, but recently my efforts were rewarded when my great friend Rob Woerther proclaimed One Last Century to be a Top 5. I respect Rob more than just about anyone when it comes to songwriting and overall music knowledge, and while we may have divergent opinions on certain artists (he is a Wilco devotee where I took the Son Volt road) we both recognize great songs, and One Last Century is filled with them. I drug my friend Stephanie on a 4 day roadtrip through 6 states just to see this band, and we are heading up to Chicago next week to get in another Damnwells show. They need no pretty adjectives to describe them. The Damnwells are amazing, and you should love them and this album…the end.


#1 One Fast Move or I'm Gone – Jay Farrar & Ben Gibbard

Jay Farrar, Ben Gibbard, and Jack Kerouac, really that is all I am going to say. If you want more go read One Fast Move

It's the Little Things...

It has been a while since I blogged. I commend those that are able to do weekly or daily posts. Apparently, I do not have the time management skills that they have, or I recognize my life, despite being a rockstar (hahaha), is relatively boring: wake-up, workout, work, come home, play music, sleep…repeat. Maybe it is that I lack the ability or desire to make the mundane interesting…maybe I am building a fortress of excuses around me and none of them really matter. What matters is, I haven’t been blogging, but I am now.

Last night was the debut performance for my new band, So Much Closer. I don’t really have any intentions on rehashing the show…there will be picks on Facebook and a YouTube video. At the end of the day, it was a gig something I have been doing since 1996. The fact that it was with a new band that has tons of potential certainly heightened my level of excitement, but as I reflect back, all my mind remembers is what we need to fix. The curse of every musician I believe: our stage volume is out of control…we are using amps to compete with Patrick’s drumming when we should be using the house sound. Unfortunately Swans’s amp cannot keep up with Chris’ and pushing mine to that level causes me to lose the clean tone of the Clara. The one song I didn’t start took off like a jet fueled GTI and lost its natural groove in the process, instead it sounded like a train wreck of beats and big vocals. Other than that there were only slight hiccups where someone lost the 1 or introduced a new chord. All and all, probably 35 minutes of tightness and 5 of what just happened.



What I really wanted to talk about was the venue, odd name that caused more questions than I care to deal with when promoting a show, but the coolest venue I have played in a LONG time, The Library. Now, outside of the Firebird, which we are working on, and a few blues clubs, I am pretty confident that I have played every room in St. Louis, not to mention I have some road time as reference. The Library is not awesome because it has the best sound in the world (although it was stellar) or because the stage is the biggest and newest (it is not).
The Library is awesome because the little things and their staff.

Everybody there seemed equally excited to see the show, like they were there for the show too, like they took a job there not because they needed a job but because they wanted to be around live ORIGINAL music. So many times the employees at music venues make me feel like just another tip, particularly the slicker/prettier venues. Sure they may be rocking the look, exposed tats, a piercing or two, but they do not bleed and sweat for music. From Porsche behind the bar to Todd at the door to Sheri who booked it to Tom (from JTS Audio) running sound, everyone was totally cool.

Now the little stuff, they had a back stage! And, it was organized for bands. You could tell the people working there had done this before. So many venues I have played, the stage is an after thought, even the Old Rock House which is totally amazing and probably has the best stage/sound in town, did not think about load-in and storage. There is nowhere but the stage to put bags, cases, coats, etc. Plus back stage The Library had Fruit and Vegetable trays for us. The only other venue I have played at that did that was The Pageant, just the coolest sentiment. Even though girlfriends of the band probably ate more of it than we did, it showed total appreciation for what we do, and that…that means everything to me.

So what has the Library done by doing this? Earned loyalty, and not just as a musician but as a patron. If I am looking for something to do on a Friday or Saturday, guess where I am going to look first, The Library. When I book a show there, I am going to promote it like Kid Rock promoted shows back in Detroit. When it comes time for me to do a CD release party, guess where I am going to try to book first? The Library is the correct answer. Off Broadway used to be this venue for me when Connie owned it and Jen was behind the bar, but now I cannot even get Steve to return an e-mail…so Library, you got my support, the support of my band, and everybody we brought loved it, so they will be back!